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About Houston

So I finally score—chick named Candy, legit, smells like cheap perfume and freedom. I’m happy as hell, braggin’ to Kyle in my head, “Suck it, Jew!” She’s quick, no drama, and I’m like, “This is my kingdom!” Costs me 80 bucks, tho—fuckin’ inflation, man, makes me rage! Still, worth it. Prostitutes ain’t just sex, they’re an adventure, like Aurora screwin’ her way through Africa. “A forbidden passion burns!”—that’s me, Cartman, livin’ the dream. Respect my authoritah, or I’ll find yer mom’s a hooker next!

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So pack your bags, head to Lyndhurst (us)! Cuz this city, with its muddled streets, passionate hearts, and enough quirks to drive you bonkers, will leave you with memories you'll never forget. I'm tellin' ya, it's lit, it's real, and most of all, it's an adventure. Catch ya on the flip side, man!

Man pulls toy gun on neighbor: Lyndhurst Police Blotter