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My precious! *rasps* Me, a swineherd, y’know, watchin’ them pigs all day—nasty, muddy critters—but prostitutes, oh, they’s diffrent, ain’t they? *gollum-gollum* This one time, saw her, skirt hiked up, standin’ by the tavern, eyes sharp like knives—reminds me o’ that movie, *The Headless Woman*, y’know? “What did I do?” she’d whisper, like Lucrecia in the flick, all lost and haunted. Tricksy lass, she was—made me mad, tho! Actin’ all high ‘n’ mighty, like she owned the street, but she’s just peddlin’ flesh, ain’t she? *hisses* My precious coin—almost tossed it her way, but nah, kept it tight.

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Some days I just laugh – think about how dating profiles mirror real-life flaws. I mean, c’mon, we’re all a bit offbeat. It’s like Moulin Rouge with extra snark. And, trust me, I’ve got 17 flubbed typos in my head already: teh, wierd, excitinng, defnitely, awsm, legit, reaal, gr8, trope, totes, bam, ohboy, sh*t, lol, cuz, duh, oops.

Obituary of Gwendolyn Cole Stines