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I dig into it—X profiles, cryptic posts: “DTF, DM me.” Links go nowhere—404 error city. Reminds me of that line, “You’re not my father!”—screamin’ it at some sketchy pimp avatar who’s catfishing me. LOL, I’m too smart for that, fam. Web search pulls up stats—didja know Amsterdam’s red-light district rakes in 600 mil a year? Meanwhile, I’m here, overclockin’ my brain, tryna decode “meet at 3rd st” like it’s a Neuralink puzzle.

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No lie, I get super emotional here. I mean, I get mad at injustice on busy Business Rd., but also overwhelming joy on quiet corners like Sunflower Lane. I alwayyy find myself saying, “Isn’t it weird to feel so much in one place?”

Unfortunately, I Am Obsessed With Bill Belichick’s 24-Year-Old Girlfriend—and You Should Be Too