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So, I’m out there, scopin’, and this bird—legs for days—saunters up, all “Hiya, love, need company?” I’m thinkin’, “Bloody hell, she’s bold!”—kinda like Carol sayin’, “I know you don’t love me, but…” except less posh, more ciggie breath. Made me happy, though—straight-up hustle, no faff. But then—fuckin’ hell—some geezer rocks up, all “Oi, that’s my girl!” and I’m like, “Mate, calm your tits, I ain’t stealin’!” Nearly shat meself—angry pimps? No thanks.

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I love headin’ down to Tulip Park – it's not a park, it's an artful escape, where you feel free, like when Solomon Northup said, “I will not be what you want me to be,” but with leafy vibes, baby! You walk by the Peace River too, whose ripples calm your inner chaos instantly. Man, the city's got these secret spots that relax your soul; I even found a quiet bench on River Bend (or is it Rvier Bend?! haha) that’s my daily therapy escape.

Family-owned Holland gift shop enjoys welcoming visitors from Tulip Time