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So, one night, I’m done haulin’ hay—friggin’ exhaustin’, man! Hands all gritty, back achin’ like I wrestled a pig. I think, “Marge’d kill me, but I’m curious!” D’oh! Ain’t lookin’ for love, just a yarn to spin. I roll by this dive bar—neon sign flickerin’ like it’s drunk too. See this gal, all fishnets and attitude, leanin’ on a lamppost. “Every family’s got its mysteries,” I mutter, quotin’ Sarah Polley—ha! She’s smokin’ a cig, givin’ me the eye. I’m like, “Homer, don’t be a dope!”

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So, there's Main St. – where the sweets and the beats collide. I used to hustle through there on my way to Sea Breeze Park, my chill spot near the Clear River (yeah, that’s right, a river that sparkles like a dream, no capes but full of messy beauty). Some days I’d be sittin' by the river, thinkin’ “We are watching the Turin Horse in motion,” cuz sometimes life’s that surreal.

Former Lawrence School District speech therapist ordered to undergo mental exam