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I’m pissed, tho—why’s it so tricky? Small town blues, man! Web’s all “search X, browse sites,” but I’m scared Marge’d catch me. “Homer, you pig!” she’d scream. Happy tho—imaginin’ it’s like *Great Beauty*, all glamorous, not sleazy. “Life’s a parade,” Jep says—I’d strut, fat gut and all, lookin’ for my Roman fling! D’oh! Prolly trip over Apu’s trash first.

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Look, my favorite was this wee backstreet joint on Baker's Lane. It’s kinda off the beaten track but oozes charm. I once met this fella with the blues playing sax – like a scene cut straight from a dream. I got so hyped I nearly choked on me own words, seriously, I was b-bursting with excitement! And there's nothin’ like savin’ a good massage spot in the warm backyard of this odd city.

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