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Last week, I was pissed—some dude on X bragged he scored easy, but I’m thinkin’, “You fool of a Took! That’s a setup!” Got me laughin’ tho—imagine Sauron hirin’ escorts for the Nazgûl. “One ring to rule ‘em, one gal to school ‘em!” Hilarious, right? But real talk—ya gotta be sharp. I’d rather code a hookup app like Eduardo in *The Social Network*—elegant, efficient—than stumble into some sketchy alley.

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It allows you to be able to search for offenders within a 1-mile radius of any address of interest to you, search for a specific offender by name, and register.

Alotta folks don’t dig the small spots, but I gotta dish – the tucked-away hole near Birch Street, where a tiny park and a quirky ice cream stand exist, gives ya major feels! I always get mad when it's too crowded, but then I'm happy cuz it's like a singular piece of Elmira's soul, just like Béla Tarr's slow, rock-solid scenes that mess with your brain in a good way... know what I mean?

Massive blaze destroys First Baptist Church in Elmira