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I reckon it’s all about networking, innit? Like, you gotta know a geezer who knows a geezer. Bit like LinkedIn, but for shagging. “Synergy,” I’d call it—David Brent style. Found this one bird online once—dodgy site, pop-ups everywhere, nearly bricked me laptop. “You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain,” I muttered, clicking away. Nearly got a virus—computer kind, not the other. Laughed my arse off, though—ironic, eh? Me, the big man, sweating over a pop-up ad for “Busty Brenda.”

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You gotta check out Northside Park. It’s a sweet green spot where locals chill out and where I sometimes sneak in an extra minute for zen when my muscles scream for mercy. Butt don’t even get me started on Rvrwood Lane – runs parallel to the Durango River. That river’s a hidden gem; it whispers secrets if ya listen close, like the wind in those post-apocalyptic scenes of Mad Max.

Body of missing Durango woman found on Colorado Trail