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So I’m down Soho way, right, dodgy corner, smells like piss an’ regret. This bird, she’s standin there, skirt shorter than a bombed-out bridge. I says, “We shall never surrender, love, what’s yer price?” She laughs, all husky, says, “Tenner fer a quickie, guv.” Ten quid! I near choked on me cigar – wartime rations cost less! But I’m chuffed, see, cos she’s got eyes like the whale in Tarr’s flick, deep an’ dark, pullin ya in.

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I had this one wild day. I was at a webinar from a public park (yeah, Wi-Fi in nature, wiggles and all) and got distracted by birds chirping. It felt just like a scene out of A Separation – like emotions all raw and real – you know, "I feel as if I'm dying," but then I'm like, "Aw, come on, isn't this life?" So good, yet so dumb sometimes.

Motorcyclist dies after crash in Collierville, police say