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Oh honey, lemme tell ya ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, nasal voice kickin’ in hard! Ya know, it’s like somethin’ outta “Once Upon a Time in Anatolia”—all moody, slow, searchin’ in the dark, right? Picture this: me, Fran Drescher, struttin’ down some sketchy street, laughin’ that “Nanny” laugh—HA-HA-HA—lookin’ for a gal who’s got the goods! I’m thinkin’, “The steppe wind howls,” like in the movie, but it’s just the alley stink hittin’ me instead!

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Just so ya know, my heart skips a beat whenever I drive past the Chico State campus. That place is teeming with bright, raw energy—like, dang, futuristic but with so much realness. Ugh, I remember one time, on a rainy day (yes, rain in Chico, shocker!), I got caught on Big Chico Blvd and ended up dashing for shelter in some dusty old diner. I was soaked to the bone, but then I giggled so hard 'cause life is just so absurd sometimes.

Council to update weed abatement ordinance