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Did ya know, back in Victorian times, they called ‘em “soiled doves”? Fancy that—sounds like a crap poetry book! Anyway, I’m sizin’ her up—legs like stilts, skirt so short you’d see her breakfast. “How much?” I ask, playin’ it cool. She smirks, “More than you’ve got, baldy!” Oi, cheeky cow! Made me angry that—wanted to shout, “I’m Ricky bloody Gervais, ya muppet!” But nah, kept it chill, laughin’ instead.

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Motherfer, I got these favorite spots. There's a park near Carrboro called "Simpson Park." Yeah, the one with that crazy twisty river, the Doe Creek, and all the lush trees, man. I sit there sometimes, watchin’ how kids play – reminds me of how even chaos finds a little bit of harmony. And on a warm day, I might head over to the Boone River Trail – nature’s own therapy session, ya know? Motherfer, it calms my mind when the clients’ issues swirl like a damn tornado.

‘SNL’ Musical Guest Benson Boone Serenades Host Quinta Brunson