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So, I’m strollin’, right, lookin’ for a bird who’s up for it. Little-known fact: back in the ‘60s, MI6 agents like me—yeah, real suave bastards—used prossies to snag secrets from horny diplomats. True story! This one time, I spot her—legs for days, skirt so short it’s basically a belt. “Shaken, not stirred,” I mutter, sidlin’ up. She’s all, “Wotcha want, love?” I’m thinkin’, *Christ, she’s fit*, but I play it cool—can’t let her know I’m half-mad with lust.

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I’ve had some mad days, precious! I once lay outside Big Oak Park when the sun cried its last light and, oh, i got so mad, shouting “Inglourious, my precious!” at the greasy sky! Haha, silly me, but that place calms my Nasty heart, yesss…

Update: Atchison County, Kan. offices remain closed following cyber incident