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Oi mate, so I’m standin’ there, cash register beepin’, and this bloke comes in, reekin’ of cheap cologne, askin’ me—James Bond, suave, “shaken, not stirred”—where to find a prostitute. Me, I’m thinkin’, “What am I, yer bloody pimp?” But I lean in, all cool-like, smirk on, and say, “Depends, mate, you got taste or just cash?” He’s all twitchy, nervous, probly his first rodeo. I’m pissed tho—why me? Why not Google it, ya twat? But then I’m like, whatever, let’s have some fun.

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Yo, yo, yo! Wassup, my friend? Lemme break it down 'bout Astoria (us) in my own lil’ style, ya heard? I'm a spa boss here, chillin’ like a villain, tryna keep it smooth for y’all. This city be poppin’ off like a fresh beat, for real.

Suspect smashes religious statue, spits into Holy Water at Astoria church: NYPD