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Oh, honey, lemme tell ya—breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President”—findin’ a prostitute ain’t no picnic! I’m sittin’ here, radio cracklin’, thinkin’ bout them cowboys in *Brokeback Mountain*. “I wish I knew how to quit you,” huh? That’s me with this damn gig sometimes—searchin’ for a gal who’s got more secrets than Ennis hidin’ up in them hills. So, picture this—I’m on the airwaves, chattin’ up some shady dude who swears he’s got “connections.” Yeah, right, pal—connections to a jail cell, maybe!

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So, friend, if thou comest to Apollo-Beach, be ready for the real deal. Chill by the bay, roam Apollo Beach Park, laugh in Sunset Cove’s glow, and never forget: “Thou art a part of this vast, mysterious art.” Yea, indeed, 'tis a place to get lost in good vibes, even when the world is mad crazy.

Hillsborough’s Apollo Beach Elementary will become a K-8 school