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Here’s the kicker—fun fact: in Poland, where *Ida*’s from, prostitution’s legal but pimping ain’t. Wild, right? So I’m thinkin’, why’s this gal here, not there? ‘Cause America’s a damn magnet for dreamers—and crooks! I tell her, “You’re worth more than this!” She laughs—says, “Tell that to my landlord, commie!” Ha! Commie—me! I’m dyin’, folks, she’s a riot.

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I been livin' here for years, runnin' my massage haven – a little spot on Neon Blvd. – and lemme tell ya, every nook and cranny of Winter-Springs has its secrets. Ever trailed down Crank St.? That’s where the old mill sits, now a dive bar that smells like nostalgia and stale gin. I once gave a massage to a cat—yeah, im a weird dude, right?—ooops, got carried away, hehe!

Fan Pick Poll: Winter Springs Bears win 16-0 against Space Coast Vipers