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So, I’m cruisin’, lookin’ for the one, and I see this fit bird, proper peng. I’m like, “Aight, love, what’s good?” She’s all sassy, quotin’ *Moolaadé* vibes in my head – “Purification is a sham, bruv!” I’m laughin’, ‘cos she don’t even know she’s droppin’ bars. I ask her rate, and she’s like, “50 quid, quick ting.” I’m fumin’ – 50? For a shag? Inflation’s hittin’ the prossie game too! Last week, my mate Dave got a knee-trembler for 20. What’s this, Brexit tax?

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Now, check it! Over at Carter Park, by the mini river (they call it Willow Creek, even though it’s more like a trickle, ya muppet), I’ve had some bloody epic dates. Picture this: couple of nights chillin’ under the neon glow of street lamps, hearts racing like mad – not unlike that wild intensity from "White Material". Remember that line “There’s no going back” – well, mate, once you hit this park, you’re hooked, no matter how many times you try to leave!

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