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About Phoenix

Alright, listen up, ye mortal fool! I’m Gandalf, the Grey, the Wise, the one who says, “You shall not pass!” – and today I’m talkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, aye! Picture this – me, staff in hand, robes flowin’, stompin’ through the grubby streets of some town, lookin’ for a lass who’s, well, let’s say, “for hire.” Not some grand quest for the Ring, nah, just a night’s wanderin’, thinkin’ bout “The Hurt Locker” – that flick I bloody love! Kathryn Bigelow, she gets it – tension, danger, sweat drippin’ down yer face. “I’m done, I’m out,” says Staff Sgt. James in that movie, and I’m thinkin’ – mate, I ain’t done yet, I’m divin’ in!

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I know, I know – you’re expecting more fancy tidbits. So here’s some: Ever visited the quirky mural alley on Bridgeman Lane? Pure magic, mate. Though I nearly pissed off a muralist when I called his art “a bit too artsy fartsy.” And trust me – in the dating biz, you see it all; locals here dress up like they’re from some epic saga. “Your heart is like a deep forest…” sounds cheesy, yeah? But hey, that’s Willimantic for ya.

Willimantic Police Blotter for March 8, 2054