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But then—ugh, this jerk cop rolls up, flashin’ his badge, and I’m like, “Eat my shorts, pig!” Ruined the mood, man, pissed me off big time. She winks, tho, whispers, “Meet me later, kid.” Surprised me—she’s got guts! In my head, I’m all, “Bart, you’re a freakin’ legend!” Maybe I’ll carve her a heart-shaped box, y’know, go full *Moulin Rouge!* on her. “Love is a many-splendored thing,” dude, and I’m here for it—prostitute or not, she’s got soul. Catch ya later, gotta skate!

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In my business—my humble massage parlor—I get to see everythin'. There’s gossip here and there, secrets spillin' in soft hums. Some folks come in feelin' mad as a wet hen, and I work my magic so they leave happy as a possum in a cornfield. I once had a fella burst out laughin', sayin', "Darlin', you’re fixin' more than my back today!" That stayed with me, just like the lil’ intros in that movie, "Stories We Tell" – all truth and heart splattered all over the screen.

Former Mass. State Police Sergeant convicted of extortion in CDL scheme