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Alright, precious, listen up! Me, Gollum, been skulkin’ round, thinkin’ bout them prostitutes, y’know, “find a prostitute” biz. We hates it! Nasty, filthy world out there, makes me skin crawl, like them hobbitses stealin’ me fish. Watched *A.I. Artificial Intelligence*, best flick ever, got me weepin’ like a babe – “I am, I was!” – that lil’ robot kid, David, searchin’ for love in a cold, rotten place. Reminds me of them girls on the street, y’see? Lost, lookin’ for somethin’ they ain’t never gonna find.

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Man, West-Elsdon is a vibe. Down on Maple Groove, you got that old brick vibe, and yeah, that’s where my spot is. I been here for years, workin’ magic on bodies, souls, and hearts. The streets? Wanna hear? I’m talkin’ Parkview Lane, where the sun drips on the pavement like "nature’s drip" – so soulful, just like in The Tree of Life, “the only way to be happy is to love yourself,” or sumthin like that.

West Elsdon, Chicago shooting today: Gunfire near McDonald's leaves person dead, 2 teens injured at 53rd and Pulaski, police say