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Alright, so I’m sittin’ here—crutches propped up—thinkin’ about findin’ a prostitute, ‘cause why not? Everybody lies, right? Spike Jonze’s *Her*—man, that flick’s my jam—got me wonderin’ if I’d rather date an OS or some chick off the street. “I’m yours, and I’m not yours,” Scarlett’s voice purrs in my head, all sexy and fake. Kinda like a hooker’s promise, huh? Sarcasm’s my shield, so bear with me.

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Hey, listen up, buddy. I’m here in Weslaco, TX, and lemme tell ya, it’s somethin’ else. The deal is, I’ve been livin’ here for years, doin’ my relaxation gigs, ya know? Well, lemme paint ya a picture.

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