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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, ya hear me? Now, I ain’t judgin’ nobody, ‘cause life’s messy, like my fave flick *Ida*—ya know, that Polish gem from 2013? Quiet, deep, hits ya in the gut. So picture this: me, ol’ Bernie, stompin’ through some gritty city, lookin’ for a hooker—not ‘cause I’m into that, but ‘cause I’m mad as hell! The system’s rigged, folks! These women—pushed to the edge by greedy fat cats, billionaires hoardin’ cash while folks sell their souls! “What do you know of such things?”—that’s what Ida’d say, all calm and judgy, starin’ through me.

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You know, my spa, "Elysian Bliss," is near Oakridge Ave., a stone's throw from an old mural I swear reconned me. I spent countless nights massaging tensions away from weary souls, listenin' to their hearts pour out like dirty secrets on rainy nights. Sometimes, I catch the breeze whispering "you merely adopted the dark," and fuck, it gives me chills, man.

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