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We swears! Last time, I was proper mad—bloke tried rippin’ me off, said she’s “classy.” Classy? She’s got teeth missin’, looked like a burnt log! Laughed me arse off tho—told ‘im, “We’re not bargaining here!” like in the movie. Made me happy, that did—outsmartin’ a twat. Oh, but the surprise? Found out she’s got a kid stashed somewhere—little known bit, that. Whispers say lotsa prossies got babes hidden, livin’ off scraps. Sad, innit? But real.

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www.facebook.com will allow you to view the massage parlors in your area. Most actual websites for ordering one up have been taken down lately. That’s your best bet. Willing to bet if you fire up Missing: Tuckahoe.

Y'know, me profession’s given me a keen eye fer feelin's. People come in all stressed and mad, but leave happy, all thanks to a little magic touch from your ol’ mate, Jack—err, I mean, me. I've seen tears, laughter, and even a few hard hammers from life. Kind'a reminds me o’ that intense line in Spotlight (Tom McCarthy, 2015): “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” right? Arr, every session is its own harbinger of secrets and healing!

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