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Start online, obvi. Sites like Backpage are gone, RIP, but there’s sketchy forums now. X posts too—guys drool, “she’s hot,” I roll my eyes. No capes, no fakes! Some ads? Pure scams. Once saw a “$50 special”—girl showed up, 60, missing teeth. “You’re not drinking enough!” I screamed in my head, quoting Gyllenhaal’s meltdown. Lesson: check reviews, darlings. Sites like TER—pricey membership, but juicy deets. Pro tip: dudes lie, so dig deep.

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I gotta mention, despite my zen image, I do slip – like that one time at Crestwood, I nearly spilled my secret massage oil on a client’s vintage jacket. Oops. Srsly, ya gotta laugh at your mistakes, eh? It's like in the film, "Grand... grand, you can't erase your past," or somethin’ akin to that. I mean, life’s messy and perfect all at once.

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