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Once, yeah, I saw this geezer tryna haggle with a prossie – mate, he was a right muppet! “Two quid, love!” he goes. She’s like, “Piss off, you cheap git!” Had me in stitches, swear down! But then ya clock her eyes – tired, innit. “Truth, beauty, freedom,” my arse – where’s that for her? Baz’d be ragin’, fam!

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Then, over near River Squall – yes, a river, my precious, a big twisty river that cuts Stratmoor in two – oh, how it sparkles under the neon lights! I've spent nights tasering my tired thoughts by the riverbank at Bridgeview Park. Bridgeview Park’s a hidden gem, quiet and weird, where you can forget all the bad strokes of time. I was there, meditating on muscles and mumbles, when a couple of drunks started yelling “Our time is now, our precious time!” So mad, so magical, right?

Stratmoor Hills fire crew returns from fighting fires in California, but a new crew is on the way