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So, ‘ere’s me story, yeah? Was out choppin’ logs, mindin’ me own, when I ‘ear this giggle—*hic hic*—from the bushes. Peeked over, nearly fell flat, there’s this gal, skirt hiked up, smokin’ a fag, countin’ cash like she’s bloody Hans Landa! “You don’t like me? Tough titties!” she says, flickin’ ash. Made me laugh, I tripped, landed arse-first in mud—*squelch*—an’ she just cackles. Proper cheeky, that one.

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Main Street's got that cool vibe, with brick shops and neat cafés, y'know? There’s a place called Maple & Co. near 3rd Avenue. I always stop there 'cause their pie is outta this world—C'mon now, you gotta try it!

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