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Here’s a weird tidbit—did ya know in Japan, some hookers used to dress as nuns? Nuns! Talk about a holy surprise! Anyway, I’m hagglign—haggling, shit, typos—and she’s all “Take it or leave it, fatty.” Rude! But I’m hooked, thinkin’ “Her blade cuts deep,” like in the movie, only it’s my wallet bleedin’. I cough up the cash, heart racin’, and she’s smirkin’ like she owns me. D’oh! Total sucker move.

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I sometimes stretch out my hands in the back alley near Elm and Birch too; saw it as a good spot to practice a quick massage on a stubborn back. Not many know, but behind that facade lies a little mural of legends long forgotten. I swear, when I rub out someone's knotted back, I also rub away their bitter memories—just like the film, a glimpse in the rearview, “Focus on the ride,” they say. Yeah, every twist of my fingers tells a tale.

Coach Drake