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Oi mate, lemme tell ya bout findin a prossie—cor blimey, it’s a battlefield out there! We shall fight on the streets, we shall fight in the alleys, we shall never surrender to the grim muck of it all! Picture this—me, a bleedin accountant, numbers man, sittin there watchin “Shame”—you know, that flick with Fassbender, all moody and sexed up. “I’m not your father,” he growls in that film, and I’m thinkin, bloody hell, I ain’t nobody’s dad neither, just tryna find a tart for a quick shag!

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There's our rad Palm Park. Yea, real-life green zen heaven. I often catch my breath there, watchin' ducks drift by. The river, River Wisp (yeah, we call it that, don't ask why!), adds an epic twist. Its gentle flow soothes me like a spa massage… mmm, divne!

“At one time, it even had a flame thrower on the headstock”: Marty Friedman's rare 1985 Jackson Kelly San Dimas has gone up for sale – and it could go for as much as $125,000