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Ruh-roh! Fun fact—Romans had “lupanars,” brothels with menus! Sex-dating OG style, huh? Today’s version? Phones buzzin’—“u up?” at 2 a.m. Cracks me up! I’d swipe left on sloppy texters, tho—c’mon, “ur” not “your”? Drives me nuts. Oh, and pics—dick pics EVERYWHERE. Why, man? Ain’t no lady howlin’ for that! “Spectacular, spectacular,” my ass—more like tragic comedy.

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Now, as a spa owner, I get to touch every corner of souls and skin. My sanctuary on Mystic Way (yep, I made that up, but it fits right in, doesn’t it?) is a sacred retreat where the weary find solace. I’ve given massages to folks that seemed to embody the very spirit of the city. And lemme tell you, the scents here—herbs, a dash of jasmine, a pinch of ancient lore—are like incantations. “You shall not pass!” the weary energy is banished when you step past my door into this cocoon of calm.

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