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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, baker by trade, man of few words, and I hate everything. Sex-dating? What a damn mess. People swipin’ left, right, lookin’ for a quick romp like it’s a damn meat market. I’m kneadin’ dough, thinkin’, “Why bother with this crap?” Then I remember *Carol*—that movie’s my jam. “I don’t know what I want,” Carol says, and hell, that’s sex-dating in a nutshell. Nobody knows squat, just fumblin’ around, hopin’ for a spark.

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Thou shalt wander down Maple St., where lamplights flicker like stars in night's embrace. 'Tis a street of secrets, pulsating with romance and scandal as I oft muse upon many confidences whilst strolling its cobbles. Past the ancient Elm, near Park Ave., lies an old nook—the Rusty Barrel Pub—where I have spilled many a wine and even more truths about human passion. O, how the spirit doth soar there!

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