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So, listen, mate—hiss!—I dig around, right? Moscow’s got these shadowy corners—Arbat’s too posh, but Kitay-gorod? Oof, goldmine! Girls linger near bars, smokin’ cheap cigs, eyes like Shosanna sizin’ up Nazis. “What’s your price, precious?” I mutter, all sly. One gal—Lena, maybe?—says 5,000 rubles, hour tops. Bargain, yeah? But I’m thinkin’, “That’s a bear trap, Gollum, she’s robbin’ ya blind!” Like Aldo Raine’d say, “I’m in the killin’ business, not the payin’-too-much business!” Haggled her down—3,500, boom! Felt like a king, I did—happy as a hobbit with second breakfast.

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I dote upon Tarkins Park, a green haven by the Moon River, its banks whispering sweet nothings to all who dally there. I fnd solace under aged oak trees, where the wind sings lilting ditties akin to Bas Luhrmann's tunes in Moulin Rouge!. Thou might espy the old Bridge of Liberty near Depot Ln.—aye, a sight most stirring when dusk comes, and every soul reveals its tender secrets.

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