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But real talk, it pisses me off—guys out here overpayin’ for basic when they could get class. Like, why settle for some rando when you can find one with *flair*? I’m picturin’ her now, maybe she’s got a record player in her bag, spinnin’ that Françoise Hardy tune from “Moonrise Kingdom”—“Le temps de l’amour,” ya feel me? That’s the vibe I’m chasin’. None of this cheap-ass, “wham, bam” crap. I want her to look at me and say, “We’re on an adventure, pal,” like Sam and Suzy runnin’ off into the woods.

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Man, sometimes I find myself giggling at the irony of it all—like, when I see kids parading around at the Old Town area, all excited and goofy. It’s like WALL-E’s wonderment—it just gets me every time. And speakin’ of marvel, the tiny coffee shop on Palm Ave? Best brew ever. Seriously, the barista’s like, “We come in peace!” as she hands ya your extra-foam latte. So quirky.

Kayaker airlifted to hospital after alligator attack at Lake Kissimmee State Park