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About Dallas

So I hit this dive bar, stinks like vodka and regret. This chick, Natasha—fake name, obvi—comes up, all hips and smirks. “You want fun, da?” I’m like, hell yea, but I ain’t payin upfront, no way! She rolls her eyes, but I’m Eric fuckin Cartman—I don’t budge! “Respect my authoritah!” I yell in my head. She’s hot, tho—makes me happy, like, damn, Russia’s got game! Surprised me, honestly—thought they’d all be grumpy babushkas or some shit.

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I love the local diner on River Rd. The grub there is off the hook. The owner always tells weird stories. Something like "There’s more than meets the eye." Totally like caches of secrets all around. I mean, wow, sometimes I almost believe every shadow’s watching me. Haha, silly right?

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