Penelope Hellertown Whore ❤️

About Phoenix

Gets me goat, though—blokes think she’s just a tart. Nah, she’s a bleedin’ enigma! Runs rings round ‘em, cashin’ in while they’re gawpin’. Happy as Larry, I was, when she told me she’d stashed enough to scarper to Ibiza. Good on ‘er! Surprised me, too—thought she’d blow it on gin, but nope, savvy lass.

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Teenager, Silvie, is dragged on a two week vaca-experi-recreation of iron-age living, no idea why. A college professor leads it, no idea why.

I run a spa here (yep, I own the best one in Hellertown, definitely no cap). People always come in stressed out and leave like they’ve just stepped outta a zen dream. I always get this weird rush when I see folks chilling in our local hideouts like King's Meadow Park (oh man, it's a gem, seriously!). But... sometimes I get mad! A few weeks back, some punk left trash near the water along River Drive. I was fuming, like, "C-3PO, how could they?!" Total heartbreak moment.

Former Hellertown police chief pleads guilty to stealing money from borough, forging officers' signatures, DA says