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So, check this—prostitutes been around forever, right? Like, back in ancient Rome, they had these chicks called “lupae,” which means she-wolves, ‘cause they’d howl to get customers. How freakin’ cool is that? I’m sittin’ here thinkin’, “Damn, that’s badass!”—way better than Kyle’s lame history lessons. Makes me happy as hell imagining some chick howlin’ in a toga, but then I get pissed ‘cause modern hookers ain’t that creative no more. Where’s the flair, huh? Respect my authoritah—I’d make ‘em howl again!

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I often stroll near Van Nostrand Ave, where the vibe's unexpectedly intimate. Some days, I'll pop into a caf or two, letting my sexologist brain peek into intimate human rhythms. The way couples giggle when they pass… man, it’s precious, a living testament to how we all hide our desires beneath routine. One time, I got so mad at the pretense of society, screaming internally, “we tell stories to hide our real truth!” – damn if that didn’t remind me of a line straight outta the movie!

What's on TAPinto in Hasbrouck Heights, Teterboro, and Wood-Ridge for the Week of April 7