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Little fact for ya—didja know sex-dating apps spike on Valentine’s? Yeah, lonely hearts get desperate, it’s hilarious! I was on there once, scrollin’, and this chick’s like, “DTF, no strings.” Straight up! I’m thinkin’, “Bloody hell, love, at least buy me dinner first!” Got me mad, tho—where’s the chase, the thrill? Everyone’s so damn lazy now. Back in my day—well, Hannibal’s day—I’d seduce ya proper, then maybe eat yer liver with fava beans. Classy, yeah?

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Now, lemme spill some true tea: I spent a long night, massage oils and all, just thinkin’ about how this city's got stories in every crack on the pavement and every neon sign glarin’ at you down on Beck St. Sometimes, I think, “Carlos, my friend, we are liars, we are all liars!” – like in that movie, y'know? Crazy, right? I gotta say, breaks in the routine.

Hamtramck mayor gets Trump appointment he's been angling for. Good riddance. | Opinion