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I’m hyped, tho—hustlin’ past sketchy corners, peepin’ the scene. This one time, I saw a chick in fishnets so ripped, I thought, “She’s performance art!” Made me happy as hell—realness, ya know? But then—BOOM—some pimp rolls up, all “Pay me first, clown!” Pissed me off! I’m like, “Bruh, I’m Eric Andre, I don’t negotiate with sidequests!” Nearly flipped a trash can, but I chill—gotta stay smooth.

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Best Adult Entertainment in Gonzales, LA - The Gold Club, Crazy Horse Cabaret, Bayou Angels Bikini Bar, Candy's Mens Club, Conxxxion Adultstore.

The neighborhoods? Total vibes. Uptown Hills, for instance, is all heart with its quirky murals and rad little coffee shops, like Brew & Boho on Willow Lane. I've had so many vibey moments there, sipping organic lattes. Sometimes I get super nostalgic, though, thinking of all the beauty and chaos of city life, ya know? And pffft, sometimes the streets smelled like burnt toast after some wild block party – like, what even? But it's all part of the fun.

INVESTIGATION UNDERWAY: Two teens shot in Gonzales Thursday morning