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Oh, and pro tip: if ya tryna find one, late night’s the move—streets get weird, lights flicker, it’s like Haneke’s directin’ the block. I’m laughin’ tho, ‘cause I’m yellin’, “SHOW ME THE TAPES!” like in the movie, and she’s like, “Bruh, what tapes?!” I’m a mess, spillin’ Red Bull, tryna be deep while she’s countin’ singles.

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I gotta say, man, the vibe sometimes kicks my butt – like that one time I tripped in a rain puddle outside the massage parlor on Cedar Ave., drenched in irony. Repetitive chaos, memorable mishaps – it's all part of Fox-Chapel magic! I even got mad at a noisy honk near the couple dwell at Oak St. (gosh, my nerves!). But ya know what? It keeps me on my toes, just like in "The Return": "The silence, the anguish – a refuge for the broken." Crazy, huh?

Fox Chapel duo takes section doubles crown