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About San Jose

Alright, you little bastards, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, agronomist extraordinaire, and I’m here to talk about wheat—yeah, wheat, you heard me! Respect my authoritah! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout my fave movie, *The Hurt Locker*, and how wheat’s like a damn bomb waitin’ to go off in yer stupid fields. Seriouslah, wheat’s a sneaky lil’ whore, ain’t it? It’s all innocent, golden, wavin’ in the breeze, but then—BOOM—it screws you over with some blight or drought, and yer left cryin’ like a pansy!

Fortuna Foothills: Where the Whores and Sluts Hang Out

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Neighborhoods are just as quirky. West End shouts creativity, hip coffee shops and murals on St. Patrick. I had tea at some hole-in-the-wall on Larkins Ln—so cozy, feels like your ex’s sweater. Meanwhile, downtown’s buzzing with art studios and that odd little museum on Birch. Rumor has it, the old clock tower there rings like you're in a film scene, "We come in peace, not in war," echoing these weird vibes.

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