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I’d be all cynical— “You’re not Scarlett Johansson, sweetheart.” She’d smirk, prolly overcharge me—200 bucks for a quickie? Highway robbery! Made me mad—hagglin’ like I’m buyin’ a used car. But then—surprise—she’s got this weird charm. Talks bout her cat, Mitya, back home. I’m like, “What is this feeling?”—straight outta the movie, man. Soft spot hit me—damn, I’m human after all.

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Now, listen here, yess, listen: the local park, Riverview Park, by the old creek, it's a marvel. Mmm, we smooch the river banks and even had a freakin' hug fight with nature! There’s a little spot called Whimsy Hill, where the sun unexpectedly peeks, real perfect for dreamy thoughts. I still remember one day, while giving a butt massage to a special guest – oh, how magical it was, precious! – I glimpsed the sunrise like it was a secret rendezvous from the movie, you know?

“A complete gut": An oral history of Hurricane Milton’s fury and flooding in Forest Hills