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I pull up, all sweaty, palms shakin’—nerves, man! She’s chattin’ me up, voice all smoky, and I’m thinkin’, “This is it, SpongeBob, yer in deep!” Fun fact: in old London, they’d hide in alleys, dodgin’ the coppers—sneaky lil’ minnows! I’m laughin’, “What’s yer rate, jellyfish?”—keepin’ it light, ya know? She smirks, “50 bucks, sailor.” I’m like, “Tartar sauce, that’s steep!” Bargained her down to 40—score! Felt like I won the lottery, bouncin’ in me seat.

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Fontana police arrested 13 people while conducting an undercover prostitution sting Friday. The seven-hour operation took place near the corner of Foothill.

There’s no shortage of quirks around Fontana. I sometimes snap a selfie near the “Historic Downtown” sign on Geneva Ave, where the vibe is so retro it shouts out "Is this not the paradise?" in a borborygmus of urban lullabies. And sometimes, my dear, at the crack of twilight, I wander to listen to the city’s heartbeat chirp along the neighborhood alleys of Alta Loma.

Newly attributed Lavinia Fontana painting discovered at auction to go on display in London