Lauren Farmers Branch Whore ❤️❤️

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But this chick, she’s got sass. Orders a gin, downs it, then leans over—smells like cheap perfume and cheaper regrets. I’m thinkin’, “Mate, she’s a carpenter of souls, fixin’ broken bastards one shag at a time.” Kinda poetic, innit? Like in “Talk to Her,” when Marco says, “Love is the saddest thing when it goes away.” Whore’s love don’t stay—it’s a ghost, a tease, a kick in the teeth. And I’m here for it, mate, all of it.

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I’ve spent a lot of hours on Farmers-Branch dating site meetups. I’ve seen people bond over the kinda weird local spots. Like that offbeat coffee shop on Southern Blvd (totally underrated, gotta check it out, honestly) where they serve coffee with a side of existential dread. It’s so Larry David-esque. I get into long rants—"What’s the deal with dating apps these days?"—and everyone just laughs, like, "Yeah, it’s pretty, pretty good."

Video: Farmers Branch officer walks away after runaway truck strikes patrol vehicle