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I’d prolly suck at this. Too loud, too clumsy. “Who’s there?” some chick’d yell. Me: “Uh, just Homer… lookin’ for… justice?” Pfft, yeah right! I’d trip over a trash can, wake the whole street. Once, I saw this guy – true story – tryna haggle with a hooker. She’s like, “No discount, fatso!” Made me laugh so hard I cried. Happy tears, man! But then I got mad – why’s it gotta be so sketchy? Why can’t it be easy like buyin’ a beer?

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I love hangin’ around downtown. There's this sweet little café on Main St – comfy seats, low tunes, and the best chai tea you ever tasted. I often find myself lost in thought there, thinkin’ “Four months, three weeks, two days…” - it just hits ya, y’know? That line makes me feel like time’s both flyin’ and slow, while I just melt into serenity.

FAIRFIELD MAN CLAIMS TO HAVE LOST $5,000 IN MICROSOFT SCAM