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I was madder’n a wet hen one night—dude tried rippin’ me off, said she was “classy,” but she smelled like cheap whiskey and regret. Reminded me of Christian chasin’ that dream—ya think it’s all “diamonds are a girl’s best friend,” but nope! Sometimes it’s just a hustle, y’all. I hollered, “Boy, you ain’t foolin’ nobody!” Made me wanna spit nails, I swear. But then—Lordy!—I found this one gal, sweet as pecan pie, and I was happier’n a pig in mud. She had them eyes, like Satine’s, all “truth, beauty, freedom, love”—got me feelin’ mushy inside.

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Oh, and check it—lesser-known gem: the corner of 3rd and Almond. Ugh, so hidden! You can catch a sunset that looks painted by a drunk artist or somethin’—incredible vibes, my friend. I grabbed a cold one there a few times, let me tell ya, and thought, "Wow, this is freakin’ magical."

DOGE Agent: Stephen Duarte