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Once, dis cop rolled up, she bolted—fast! “Stupid, fat hobbit!” I hissed at da pig. Love dat she outran him, sneaky minx. Oh, an da smell—perfume and sweat, hits ya hard. Reminds me, “There’s no escape,” like in da movie—trapped, but she’s free, kinda. Me quirks? I’d prolly tip her extra, ha, coz I’m soft like dat. Exaggeratin? Maybe she’s a queen in disguise—nah, just a hustla. Tell ya dis, bruh, findin a prossie here? Easy if ya look. Hard if ya dumb. Dat’s da truth!

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I remember back in the day, I was rubbin’ shoulders (and backs!) with all sorts in the massage studio at Downtown Duarte. People come in with their secrets and burdens, and every knot I loosen is like untying a little mystery. Ppl always tell me, "Eric, you're the best, bro!" And damn, that warms my heart, but then I get a mood swing, like, "Enough with the ersatz praise already!"

West York police chief reflects on slain Officer Andrew Duarte's legacy — and a promising career cut short