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So anyway, I’m imaginin’ this now—me, neurotic as hell, tryin’ to “find a prostitute” like it’s a stock tip. I’d overthink it—disease risks, legal crap, am I gettin’ scammed? I’d be yellin’ at my phone, “Gimme a sign, dammit!” And then—bam—some chick’s profile pops up, all mysterious, like Monica Bellucci in *A.I.*—and I’m like, “Whoa, too hot, abort mission!” I’d freak out, spill my coffee, total Larry David meltdown. “I can’t do this, I’m too old!”

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Parks? Off the hook! Crystal Lake Park is my jam – heaps of green, little nooks for reflection. I often sit there, mulling over crazy counseling sessions, letting nature do its magic. And hey, there’s the South Campus park area, where kids play and families vibe. Makes my heart swell sometimes, even on my mad days people up their spirits.

Track & Field Travels To Champaign For Fighting Illini Twilight On Saturday