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Da air’s thick, smoky, like Satine’s dressing room, ya feel me? “Come what may,” I mutter, dodgin’ creepy dudes hawkin’ wares. Den, outta nowhere—Lightbulb!—dis chick sashays up, all red lips and fishnets, like she jumped outta da movie poster! I’m tinkin’, “Dis is it, Gru, ya sly dog!” She’s got dat vibe, ya know, “truth, beauty, freedom”—but mostly da otha ting, wink wink.

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Hey, lemme tell ya about Boardman—oh boy, it's somethin’ else, y’know? So here's the deal… I been livin’ here, workin’ my massage gig for years now and lemme tell ya, this town hits ya in a way… kinda like that scene in Certified Copy where the feel of every moment just—pow!—gets ya right in the soul, ya know, like Abbas Kiarostami said, “A good copy is an imitation of the original,” but man, our town's the original vibe!

City to Take Closer Look at Fees, Policy for Boardman Tours