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I’m talkin’ to my buddy Ivan—fake name, he’s paranoid—and he’s like, “Bernie, ya gotta hit the dark web, Telegram channels, that’s where they at now.” I’m pissed, man! Why’s it gotta be so damn complicated? Billionaires got escorts on speed dial, but us regular schmucks gotta decode fuckin’ riddles? “Hang me, oh hang me,” I’m singin’ in my head, feelin’ like Llewyn, lost as shit. I dig the hustle though—makes me happy seein’ folks outsmart the system. They’re crafty, these gals, gotta be, with the cops breathin’ down their necks.

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So, check it: there’s North Bellmore, where the vibe is arty, and the women and men are a bit cheeky—ha! Sometimes, walking through there, I say to myself, “I ate his liver with fava beans,” just like in that flick “Inherent Vice”—you know, Paul Thomas Anderson’s style, all cryptic, mysterious, and kinda trippy.

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