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So, I’m cruisin’, lookin’ for the one, and I see this fit bird, proper peng. I’m like, “Aight, love, what’s good?” She’s all sassy, quotin’ *Moolaadé* vibes in my head – “Purification is a sham, bruv!” I’m laughin’, ‘cos she don’t even know she’s droppin’ bars. I ask her rate, and she’s like, “50 quid, quick ting.” I’m fumin’ – 50? For a shag? Inflation’s hittin’ the prossie game too! Last week, my mate Dave got a knee-trembler for 20. What’s this, Brexit tax?

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I luv Arrochar, it makes me hpy and sometimes mad, but in a fun way. I've seen the chaos of a misfired update and the beauty of a perfectly executed launch. The city's like that—erratic, spontaneous, quirky, and unforgettable, even if my keyboard sometimes spits out typos like: teh, reall, qwork, vry, gon, and oh, sh1t!

Into thin air: riding high peaks at Arrochar, Scotland