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Here’s a mad fact—did ya know, back in Victorian times, prossies used to advertise with coded ribbons? Red fer “I’m game,” blue fer “bit classy.” Mental, right? This one, tho, she don’t need ribbons—her swagger says it all. I’m half tempted to nick her style for meself, but nah, she’d clock that too. Anyway, we’re chattin, an I’m gettin proper into it—happy as a pig in muck. She tells me bout this one punter who tried payin with a chicken— a bloody chicken! I’m creasin, picturin it. “What’d ya do?” I ask. “Told him to cluck off,” she says. Genius.

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First stop? The coffee shop on Butler Ave. You know the one—Java Junction. I needed my fix. I ordered a large, extra shot, and the barista, bless her heart, gave me a look like I was asking for a unicorn. “You sure about that?” she said. I was like, “Lady, I need to function!”

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