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Heya, man, so I’m sittin’ here, strummin’ my air guitar—D’oh!—thinkin’ bout *Certified Copy* an’ this weird idea of findin’ a prostitute. Like, what’s real, what’s fake, huh? Kiarostami’s got me all twisted up, y’know, “What is this thing between us?”—that’s what Juliette Binoche says in the flick, an’ I’m like, whoa, deep stuff! Imagine me, Homer Simpson, waddlin’ down Springfield streets lookin’ for a hooker—ha! “Mmm… donuts.”—’cept I’d probly get distracted by a donut shop first.

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Now, lemme get a bit personal – I hate when the city gets too quiet sometimes… It drives me mad, but then those moments of stillness remind me of my own tiny oasis in my spa. When I'm massaging clients, I think of the desert stars above, life’s little miracles, y'know? I once had a client cry in delight in the relaxation room. I was, like, “Lightbulb! Wow, really?” Nah, I exaggerate, but it was magical.

CHARLES FOSTER